Difference between revisions of "Wikitravel:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense"
Revision as of 16:19, 31 October 2006
Redirects to Mostly harmless joke
From French phrasebook:
From Norwegian phrasebook:
Sleep with your head well posistioned on a pillow back aches are increasingly common in tunisia and other north east african states especially in unclimatised visitores to the country.
Jozona is the 51st state found by ranch workers. It's main atraction is the John Kerry funslide located on Apple Head Street. On June 13th 2005 Congress aproved the state constitution.
Boynave is the 52nd state in the union. The streets include, Chinatown, Gayland, Kidzone, and Osama bin Ladens cave.
Many visitors to Europe believe that the experience is one of repetitive visit to cathedral after cathedral without any way of knowing when the process is going to end. This is known in some quarters as the Church-touring Thesis.
Antartica was founded in 1012 by Aliens. The alien goverment moved their capital there in 1111. The king had a son and the mother was his intern Mo'nuco Le'wenska in 1115. It led to the divorce of the King and Queen and the marriage of the King and Le'wenska 2 months later when the Queen never remembered about going to the hospital. The prince never had a name untill 1146 when the king died. He changed it to Homer Jay Simpson Le'wenska. In 1158 he changed it to Homer Jay Simpson when Le'wenska died. He became king. When a group of Penguins in South Antartica started to rebell in 1170 led by a man who called himself Hank Hill, King Simpson called them traitors. A year later, in the hard winter of 1171, they called themselves Pokemon. People Okay Every Mannered Nation. It was coined by the co-founder, Butt Ers. In the spring of 1172, Hill and the Pokemon said that King Simpson had fathered an illegitament child. Simpson said it was false, but it was true. Betty Boop dated the king it got pregnate. Simpson needed to cover it up. So he called up Betty Boop, who was planing on anouncing her being pregnate, and asked her to marry her. The wedding was held a week later. During this time, the Pokemon said it was to cover up the Kings child. They had greater proof when a week later, Queen Betty Roborts Boop Jay Simpson the First said she was pregnate. 4 months later, Hill and ther rest of the Pokemon declared war. The goverment put the royal family in a secret chamber under the ocean floor. Weeks later, the Queen was in labor. The king grabed Boop, broke out of the chamber, found a crack in the ice and gave birth to Prince Robort Mo'nuca Boop Simpson the First on the battle feild. The battle going on was the Crack River Battle, where a land war was going on. The Pokemon had declared the half of the river on the east, but the Antarcians had declared all of the land. An Antarcian soilder had shot the king thinking he was a Pokemon. General Gribble backed off the war when he saw his king die, and the Pokemon had kept the land east of the river. The man that killed the King was hanged later. General Hill didn't want to see the king dead, just not controling every aspect of his life. But the Queen was on that battle feild with little Robort and she ran to a Antarcian military base. She was now the Monarch. She surrendered, giving the Pokemon complete control. On March 5th 1173, President Hank Hill and Vice President Butt Ers took control. An election would take place every seven years. As for the prince, Robort Simpson would later be elected President in 1250.
List of Presidents and Vice Presidents
The C'Li'Ta'De'Na Dynasty was the 5th Dynasty. When his father died in 1818, teenager J'Ea'Be B'Sh'A was too young for the throne, and he was turned into a slave untill he died in 1893. J'Ef'As'En C'Li'Ta'De'Na took control untill he died in 1855 at the age of 111. His son, 34 at the time, Bi'La C'Li'Ta'De'Na took control untill his death in 1917. By then, the people though that the new man to the throne, Hi'Li'Re'Yu C'Li'Ta'De'Na, was going to be their last. In 2005, after his 30th birthday, Hi'Li'Re'Yu's son, Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne, was kidnapped. Hi'Li'Re'Yu called an alert. A video then came in that had Jay Leno, George W Bush, and among other Antarticions, with their leader Howard Dean, decapitating Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne. They called themselves "New Pokemon". Hi'Li'Re'Yu called troops to find them. They have only found two members, but they won't say a word after all the torture they did to them. Another video came in 5 days later where Dean said:
"After 700 years of this dictatorship we have revolted! We are not going to sit here as this moronic dynasty goes on! Hank Hill, he would have did the same thing as us if he were a-"
The rest was cut off.
On June 9th 2005, two weeks after the murder of Ci'Hi'Ri'Si'Ti'Ne, CEO of FedEx Frederick Smith moved to Antartica and moved FedEx headquarters there. Howard Dean called him on the phone at his house in Antartica City. What followed was terror
On July 30th 2005 a FedEx plane flew into the Pink House and right after that a FedEx truck in the Capital Tunnel had a car bomb that exploded and then Frederick Smith blew himself up in front of the Capital Building. Someone called the fire department, and when they came Hi'Li'Re'Yu was rescued from the Pink House. He was sleeping when the plane hit and woke up from the impact. They thought that it was just a coincidince that the plane and truck were from FedEx. The body was mangled. They let the worst happen.
An hour and a half later, the FedEx headquarters, build across the street from the Universal Trade Center, was packed with bombs and blew up. It was so forcefull that it damaged the Two Major Towers and damaged 4 of the others, knocked down 2, and only 1 tower was left undamaged.
Untill this point, Hi'Li'Re'Yu thought it was just a plane accident. When they tried to tell him about the car bomb and the suicide, he told them it was nothing, much less of a FedEx plot with Dean. True, in 1958, a week after the capital tunnel was build, a car went out of control when an oil leak caused it to catch on fire it crashed into the gates of the Pink House. When John Kerry, the kings right hand man since 1981, said that the FedEx headquaters were destroyed, Hi'Li'Re'Yu died of shock. Antartican law says that when the last member of a Dynasty dies, the right hand man starts the new Dynasty. The Kerry dynasty begin. John Kerry, now known as John The First Of The Dynasty Of Kerry had his first act be that all FedEx planes and trucks be stoped. Of the 10,115 planes and trucks stoped, 589 of them had bombs in them. An hour later, the Major Towers collapsed. Kerry proclaimed the only undamaged tower the Freedom Center. All the other standing towers were knocked down by a week.
Dear wiki owner!
I apologize for spamming your great wiki. My name is Rahat and I live in Afganistan, Kabul. We have'nt any job here, but I should to buy some food for my family (there are two boys and one girl, and my wife Zuhra). That is the reason of spamming of your honest wiki site. This job gives me and my family some little money to live here, in Afganistan hell. I ask you to leave my links in your site, but if you dont like it - please email me at [email protected] and I will never spam your honest wiki anymore.
Good luck to you and your family. Rahat. 8)
Salazore is a small a small Mediterannian island country.
Deleted from Kenya - Stay safe
Deleted from Three Forks - (or before it was edited very hard).
Welcome to Three Forks Montana (yee haw)! This town is full of mischef and mayhem and can be easily seen and visited in under a week.
Three Forks Montana has a mix of fun stuff to do for the discerning traveler. A bar, gas station, grocery store, parks, and the world famous Lucky Lil's Casino (where I accidently bounced a check) are part of the towns heritage.
From the Three Rivers, where Sacagawea herself said "enough is enough" in her native tongue and headed out to Oregon with Lewis and Clark, one can view the endless expanse of mountains, trees, shrubs, and hills.
If you're into rodeos, then you are in for a treat. Three Forks is home to the Three Forks Rodeo, and Rockin' the Rockies. Rockin' the Rockies is huge. Not the biggest concert in the world no doubt, but a "Woodstock" for Three Forks.
Three Forks is located about 30 miles east of Bozeman Montana and can be reached by a wide variety of vehicles including, but not limited to: Car, Boat, Airplane (it has it's own airport for cryin' out loud), helicopter, foot, 4-wheeler, motorcycle, ski, bobsled, or even hitch-hiking which is almost like a sport in that town.
Three Forks High School is where I graduted highschool from, and let me tell you, wow, what an experience. I'm not going to downplay it in any way shape or form, but Three Forks High is the ULTIMATE party school of Three Forks (barely beating Three Forks Elementary School). I can remember the senior keg that I didn't go to, but the stories. Oh my, the stories. And Prom was a whoozy. I didn't go to that either, but I heard some nasty stories about my friend and his girlfriend.
Moving on, Three Forks is known for Custers Last Rootbeer Stand. Bring a few $50's because that place is pricy!
Three Forks is surounded by water, with three huge pits to the east and rivers to the south and east. 1000 miles to the west is the Pacific Ocean.
Three Forks is planning on bidding for the 2012 Olympic Games, but that is not official, just something I heard. I guess that Custer's Rootbeer Stand hopes to draw some of the Olympic crowd.
Cow Tipping is the towns unofficial sport, and bridge jumping is HUGE there. Nobody has died yet from it that I'm aware of, but seriously, they should wear a helmet before doing it.
I have since moved to San Francisco after graduating high school there in 2000, but I hear that things there are even more crazy after I left than before I did.
And to complete the picture - from the deleted article about Three Forks High School.
Three Forks High School is the high school in Three Forks, a small, yet urban city in Montana.
It is connected to Three Forks Middle School and Three Forks Elementary School.
Population is under 1000.
English is the school's official language. Pig Latin may replace it within the next couple of years.
Three Forks High School has no heat.
The Carrot Rant
From Transylvania#Stay safe:
From Japan#Stay safe:
Yugozcheckoslovakokai is a country south of Germany recently founded in early 2004 by the Chrisbel Gamblazanol, since the innaguration of Gamblazanol as His Majesty King Gamblazanol has decreed several new laws such as: the national holiday named Yazzir Day shall be remembered as the founding of Yugozcheckoslovakokai.
From Visiting volcanoes
Ok, my name is expertus volcanus. I'm here to tell you all about volcanos...well lets see, they are hot when they erupt and that red liquidy stuff...don't touch it, it might burn you. But it is excellent for roasting marshmallows, you don't even have to get close for this. And you better not go on the week when god is angry because he will sneeze lava all over you. Although we have seen in the movie "dante's peak" that rubber tires will withstand lava, our skin may not, I think it gets a little hotter than Mcdonald's coffee. Also when you go see a volcano, hold in your farts as they are flammable and may set your buttox on fire, believe me I know. Some safety precautions would be to bring a spray bottle with water in it and if anything erupts just set the bottle to mist and let her rip. This will cool the air around you and shield you from lava.
Shoot to kill
"Jusco" and "Youme town" have recently opened in Yatsushiro, thus throttling any semblance of local flavour contained in the Yatsushiro shopping experience. These enourmous department stores are good for target practice, however. Remember - a shot to the head will kill. Just don't get bitten.
Mars is the fourth planet from the sun, and significantly colder and smaller than Earth. Foreigners should be aware that the gravity is much lower on Mars. Mars, being a planet, is huge, and it is unrealistic to expect to see all of mars in a short period of time. Generally, areas along the equator are the most hospitable to Earthlings as it is much warmer than the rest of Mars (at least to Martian standards).
The Mars equatorial regions are the warmest part of the planet, as well as the most densly populated part of the planet. Most of the northern half of the planet is covered in ocean, and the southern part of the planet is almost entirely above sea level (except for the large Hellas sea and Argyre sea. Many places in the south part of the planet are uninhabitable.
The amount of gravity on Mars is significantly lower than Earths. Cities on Mars are built around this fact. unlike Earth, "bounding" is a common way of locomoting, and is very efficient. Inside most structures on Mars, gravity is artificially created for many reasons, mainly to keep muscles from atrophying and also to keep things tidey. Gyms are very important on Mars, as exercize is required in order to stay healthy with the low gravity. Gyms are a very popular spot for recreation.
Like Earth, Mars has a wide variety of languages. All languages on Mars derive from Earth languages, however, they are heavily dialectized and are sometimes hard to understand.
Access is only by space travel, which takes several days from Earth. Be prepared for a very long flight, although most shuttle services are actually quite comfortable.
"Bounding" is a common way of locomating outside of structures, and many Earthlings are suprised how fast and smoothely they can actually move. Remember to be careful to bump into other "bounders," as this is rude and can cause injury. Large cities have excellent public transportation services, such as subways, monorails, and buses.
Martian cuisine is diverse and differs from nation to nation.
Germany is most noted for its involvement in World War I and the sequel, World War II: The Reckoning. Talks of World War III (Seed of Hitler) have been rumored.
Germans have the distinction of making the fastest turn-around from fascist to hippie, unlike the Italians.
Germans are most famous for Nena, a popular 1980's rock star who wrote a song about red balloons, peace, Jews, Hitler, and some other shit. They also have a ravenous appetite for wannabe American musicians, most notably David Hasselhoff. When not drinking beer, Germans are generally engaged in evil plans and starting wars. Their entire culture revolves around evil and war. And sausages. And beer.
The Germanic tribes which gave rise to today's Germany are most famous for the sacking of Rome. The Vandals and the Visigoths took turns tag-teaming Rome in what is now known as The Ass-Raping of Rome. The Vandals then went on to punk-rock stardom in the mid 1980's. The Goths just went on to become... hmm.
Taken from a spambot that includes a joke along with the spam:
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Get around Iguaçu Falls
Alternately, you can take the Buenos Aires subway to Iguazu Falls. The closest station to the Falls is Juramento on Line D (Green Line). From the station it is a quick 400 km walk to the Falls.
JackT3hSmasher has been slain by me, the One Star Bandit, whom he demonizes. The below was written by him upon his registering with this website to lure the RoflCopter and me to our doom. He underestimated our intelligence and overestimated his own. The RoflCopter intended to capture him, but I knew the world would be better without him.
I am JackT3hSmasher, and this website is the perfect place to set up a base for now. I will tell you the story of myself and the One Star Bandit.
Once, in a very little known online role-playing game, the Matrix Online, based on the popular trilogy, there was a person who used an ingame ability to create an NPC called a simulacra, or sim. This sim gained free will somehow, and fled. He was endowed with the powers of Chuck Norris and Leeroy Jenkins for mysterious reasons, and after his father was killed in the game Star Wars: Galaxies, he decided to use this power to fix everything, or so he said. Foolishly, he one-starred many message boards nobody cares about, like the forums of the Matrix Online. He did this as the first stage of his so-called "Great Plan of Fixing." This got him the name "One Star Bandit." Now, he didn't think it was enough, so he did some other stuff regarding the name itself that I won't go into. He is an idiot.
He then created SirFollowalotBot Industries. Don't ask me about his naming methods, what with the naming after rappers and stuff, I don't get it. But anyway, they make "bots that follow." SirFollowalotBots. The Bandit’s plan is to break the servers of online games with the bots who would follow all players within them, and that the servers would be replaced with ones he sabotaged with what he called the “Marshmallow Empire,” for the Grey Marshmallow was his other, lesser used, name. The Marshmallow Empire…I don’t know how he plans to stage all that, but he would probably be able to. He’s very resourceful for a former Non-player character. The Marshmallow Empire under him would somehow stretch into the world outside the internet (don’t ask), and would kill all idiots whom they couldn’t make intelligent and that he would do so by holding the online games hostage, and manipulate the game developing companies into manipulating the governments, thus giving the Bandit power over the world to a degree. But some didn’t like that idea. The RoflCopter himself formed a rebel alliance against the Bandit, and he was supported by Mr. T and Pamela Anderson, who endowed him with their power as the Bandit was endowed with the power of Chuck and Leeroy. This made the Bandit unable to detect his location, and because he used the power to protect his friends, the Bandit himself could not harm his followers. I do not know why this worked the way it did, nor do I care. The Bandit’s followers fought with the RoflCopter’s followers for months. The RoflCopter’s army was nearly wiped out in an attempt to assassinate one of the sources of the Bandit’s power, Leeroy Jenkins. Mr. T lost hope in the RoflCopter, and cut off his power from him. The Bandit’s chance had come. He captured the RoflCopter, and used him to drain the power of Pamela Anderson from him, and what remained of Mr. T’s, and it supplemented his own. The RoflCopter’s son whose name I don’t know became the new leader of the rebels. He made them greater than they had ever been, brought them to a new level of hope for victory. But he was killed a few weeks later. The next day, the RoflCopter escaped, but no one, not even the Bandit, knows how. The Bandit suspected that one of the bots might have done it, but knew that the bot would be dead soon anyway, for they only live a few days with few exceptions.
The Bandit allied himself with a person called Oblivion-Knight. Oblivion-Knight would help him in many things, and he used him as a presence on the forums. Oblivion-Knight put encoded messages on the forums that only some users understood, all others just though it was some 13-year-old's poorly "speeled" rambling. He created two additional accounts, Malware and Codeworks, for good measure. Oblivion-Knight had a form of "autism" as he called it, and he used it as an excuse for his idiotic behavior. It was actually a personality disorder, not autism as he thought. He had two "people" within him. Oblivion-Knight didn't know the other one existed, but I knew about him. Yes, that's right. I was the other person within him. And I worked for the Bandit as well. However, Oblivion-Knight got addicted to pretending to be an idiot on forums, and became one. He betrayed the Bandit for his plan of idiocy. I convinced the Bandit to free me, to separate me from that idiot. He granted my request, and put me into the Internet with him. In doing so he inadvertently touched me with the power of Leeroy Jenkins, and part of it stayed. I don’t know quite what happened, but I realized that he could not harm me. I revealed that Oblivion-Knight did not have a smart half and a dumb half, just a dumb half and an evil half. I betrayed the Bandit, and decided to use him, his story, for my own plan. A plan to become an internet meme after he and the RoflCopter kill each other. I mean, his story would sound so stupid, if I wasn’t a part of it, I would think it was a mediocre anime or something. And I begin the first stages on this wiki. It will work, and his plan won’t. I have a plan to manipulate events into them killing each other, and this being a wiki, the Bandit and the RoflCopter won’t be able to harm me here. It’s the perfect plan, time to get started. I just wanted to let you all know that. I have nothing against this website, but this must be done.
Oh, and I am truly sorry for increasing it from zero to one. Feel free to act as if I wasn't here after I am gone, for it is not really you who is to blame for it, it is me.
Durkadurkastan is a small terrorist nation located somewhere in Asia. We don't know specifically where so getting in may be kinda tricky. It has been called a cheap knock off of Iraq, but in actual fact the city of bagdahalad bears little resemblance.
Durkadurkastan has various small provinces, the city of Bagdahalad (no resemblance to Baghdad). Other than that, the country is divided roughly into 3 parts, each with their own goats and foreign coalition invasions.
The capital city of Durkadurkastan is Bagdalahad (no resemblance to Baghdad, why do people keep saying that?) Other than that, various small terrorist villages exist.
The climate is warm and dry, and the primary industry is goat farming and turban manufacture. AK47's are widely available.
The standard language of Durkadurkastan is "Durka", it is easy to pick up and a few usefull phrases include: Durka - Hello Durka - so, any terrorist plans going down? Durka - DEATH TO INFIDELS Durka - where are my goats? Durka - Please compose me a 3 page essay on the exhaustive history of brussel sprouts
As nobody knows exactly where Durkadurkastan is, getting in can be a bit of a hassle. However, getting in by plane is not particularly difficult, and aircraft stop regularly at the world trade centre in New York. (Airport out of service for maintinence as of 9/11/01)
The Durkadurkastan national sport is suicide bombing, often coupled with incredibly crappy flying experience. This is best avoided as it carries a slight health hazard.
Fresh cammel is freely available in DurkaDurkastan, as are lightly grilled cactus and whatever else terrorists eat.
There are various bars in and around the major cities, but getting past the guards does require some basic acting experience. A few sample phrases are included in this article. Notable topics of conversation include goats, infidels and comparing turbans. A word of caution - Durkastani bars have the habbit of being mown down by obnoxious American vigilantes with oversized miniguns. Exercise caution
The Durkadurkastan national sport is suicide bombing, this can be a somewhat unhealthy practice and is best avoided as it can result in some discomfort to those im the immediate vicinity. Crime rates are reasonably low. If you are western, as said above it helps to have a crudely done false beard and turban - as well as the rudimentry ability to act your way past guards.
One way flights to New York leave regularly from Durkadurkastan airport. However the airport in NY has been out of service due to a bad landing a few years back. Leaving by train might just get you into a country you recognise, try your luck!