Difference between revisions of "Mordor"

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Mordor

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* <see name="Mount Doom" alt=" Orodruin in Sindarin" address="" directions="" phone="" email="" fax="" url="" hours="" price="">Another popular sight, best known from the video game series DOOM. You can take a refreshing trek to the top of the mountain. See also the Do section.</see>
 
* <see name="Mount Doom" alt=" Orodruin in Sindarin" address="" directions="" phone="" email="" fax="" url="" hours="" price="">Another popular sight, best known from the video game series DOOM. You can take a refreshing trek to the top of the mountain. See also the Do section.</see>
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* <see name="Shelob's Lair" alt="" address="" directions="" phone="" email="" fax="" url="" hours="" price="">A grand country home still occupied by it original owner, Shelob. She is happy to receive visitors without appointment, and apologises in advance for the spider webs. This is a very old house don't you know.  </see>
  
 
==Do==
 
==Do==

Revision as of 14:45, 1 April 2010

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Mordor (Sindarin: Black Land, Quenya: Land of Shadow, Chinese: 魔多) is located in South East Middle Earth to the east of the River Anduin.

Understand

History

Thoroughly unpleasant. The region of Mordor has rarely been dealt a kind hand. Successive colonial powers have done little to clean the place up, and there is still no functioning train service. The recent large scale eruption of Mount Doom and the associated collateral damage, just might (only might) encourage a more enlightened approach to development in the region.

At one stage, a distant ancestor of Viggo Mortensen had the chance to improve the standard of local infrastructure, but decided to be a king instead. Hugo Weaving was quite young at the time, but still showed his displeasure.

Landscape

Mordor is surrounded on three sides by large mountain ranges: Ered Lithui (Ash Mountains) in the the north, Ephel Duath (Mountains of Shadow) to the west bordering the region of Gondor, and extending round to the south. Generally they are not very nice, even worse than the Brecon Beacons.

Talk

Orcish is the native tounge. Strangely similar to English.

Get in

Travel Warning WARNING: Traveling in Mordor is potentially very dangerous. Large parts of the country — in particular, most of the North and West — are effectively a war zone. Threats are unpredictable and the situation can change very quickly.

Trips should be meticulously planned and travellers should keep abreast of the latest security situation throughout their stay. If, despite the risks, you still find yourself heading there, see War zone safety and the "Stay safe" section below.

One does not simply walk in to Mordor. You gotta rock in to Mordor. Or take the shortbus.

After the recent twinning with the city of Brussels, all citizens of countries who are signatories to the Schengen treaty, are granted an unlimited stay visa on arrival. Australians however, remain unwelcome.

Get around

See

Real Mordorian handicraft inside the ball room of Barad-dûr

Mordor is quite unique amongst A-list destinations in that it tends to see you rather better than you see it.

  • Barad-dûr (Lugbúrz in Black Speech), (Visible from all of Mordor), + 0 00 000 000 (), [1]. The royal palace is the main attraction in Mordor and very popular among travelers. free admission.
  • The Black Gate (Morännon). Probably the largest, blackest gate you will ever see, spanning as it does all of Cirith Gorgor.
  • Mount Doom (Orodruin in Sindarin). Another popular sight, best known from the video game series DOOM. You can take a refreshing trek to the top of the mountain. See also the Do section.
  • Shelob's Lair. A grand country home still occupied by it original owner, Shelob. She is happy to receive visitors without appointment, and apologises in advance for the spider webs. This is a very old house don't you know.

Do

The peaks of Mordor are not be taken lightly

If you a meet a beardy bloke in a pointy hat, ignore everything he says. He will try to make you do something dangerous. He is quite persistent, and if he gets too annoying feed him to a Balrog. He may reappear a few weeks later looking all white and shiny, but don't be deceived as he will try to make you kill yourself again.

That warning aside, Mordor is an increasingly popular destination for active travellers who enjoy getting right off the beaten track.

  • Trekking through any of the Mordor ranges should not be taken lightly. An authorised, experienced guide is recommended. One agency in particular seems to have some success: precioussestours.com, but they do demand payment in gold rings and the lead guide can be a touch moody.

Buy

Eat

Meat is consumed in one of two ways - raw or incinerated. Charred muppet hobbit offal is especially popular amongst authentic, local orcish peoples.

Not much for vegetarians here who should really stay at home or go to Byron Bay.

Drink

  • Naturally. blood is quite popular, and drinking a pint is something of a rite of passage for all travellers to the region. Enquire with the nearest orc regiment, and they should be able to sort you out.
  • Do not drink the local water, all of which has been contaminated by run off from the Dead Marshes to the northwest.

Sleep

Do not sleep in Mordor.

Stay safe

Mordor is a volatile region, and downright dangerous in the western areas. Non-essential travel is strongly discouraged. The Orc tribes have now declared abduction of foreigners to be one of their primary goals. Mordor has an ongoing border conflict with Gondor. It's not recommended to visit Ephel Dúath. The land is barren desert, and survival in the wilderness without proper equipment impossible.

While the south-eastern part of the country is generally considered to be a lot safer than the north and west, occasional incidents can still occur anywhere and a seemingly safe place can become the opposite in an instant. Several media reporters were killed in the northern parts of Mordor, most likely by criminals or a bored Nazgul.

Insects (especially spiders) and snakes are also something to be careful of, and the mountainous country has many vicious creatures such as scorpions, trolls, feral Orcs, etc.

In some areas, altitude sickness is a significant risk. Mount Doom is an active and unpredictable vulcano. It should not be approached without appropriate equipment.

If, after considering the risks, you still choose to travel in Mordor, hiring an armed escort or travelling with an experienced guide are ways to decrease the risks. You should also check with your embassy, and be clear on what they can and cannot do for you in an emergency. Emergency evacuations by eagle are always in demand and you may have a long wait.

Stay healthy

It is highly recommended to buy a travel insurance before the trip, just in case.

Standards of hygiene in the region are generally extremely low and have been compared to those at Vang Vieng. The normal, stinking, crusty Caucasian traveller will feel well at home here, and it is unlikely you will be carrying too many diseases that the citizens of Mordor have not previously experienced.

Contact

Get out

Anduin River bridge, leading out from Mordor
  • In the talons of an eagle, back to the rather dull German settlement at Minas Tirith
  • Hardier, adventurous types might try a cruise in the Bay of Belfalas.
  • Do get out rather sooner than later.
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