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San Serriffe

2,153 bytes added, 05:55, 5 June 2009
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even joke articles should comply with the manual of style postlink and should not waffle.(redirect perth)
{{joke}}
 
{{quickbar
|image=[[Image:PulauUbin Kampong Beach.JPG|noframe|250px]]
|flag=[[Image:san_serriffe_flagSan_Serriffe_(02).png|125px]]
|capital=[[Bodoni]]
|government=Parliamentary Republicundemocratic republic
|currency=dimes Roman (dR)
|area=692.7 sq km
|population=1,782,724 (1973 census)
|language=English (official), [[Portuguese]] (official), Gowdy (Flong), [[Malay phrasebook|Malay]], [[Arabic]]
|religion=Asterism, Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Zoroastrianism
|electricity=190V/42Hz (South African plug)
* [[Bodoni]] — the lively capital
* [[Arial]]
* [[Baskerville]]
* [[Port Clarendon]]
* [[Ems]]
Seriffean culture reflects its riotous mix of races and cultures. The native people of San Serriffe are the '''Flong''', but they are outnumbered by the European settlers known as the '''''colons'''''. Naturally, there has been considerable intermarriage between the two groups, and these descendents are known as ''semi-colons''. In the past twenty years, many of the nation's younger generation have become increasingly influenced by modern western culture, most notably by elements of the Hip-Hop, Rap, and Rastafarian subcultures. This generation has often been labelled as the ''apostrophes''.
{{infobox|National font|To honor the Wingdings, Asterist priests the San Serriffe government declared "Wingdings", "Wingdings 2", and "Wingdings 3", which can be found on most personal computers in any nation, except San Serriffe , the national font. Since 1994 all documents have to be written or printed in either variant of Wingdings.}}
While nearly all world religions can be found on San Serriffe, the syncretic cult of '''Asterism''' is the largest faith, merging elements of Hinduism with Christianity and animistic Flong beliefs. Followers of Asterism believe that a mythical being known only as the Ascender will come and lift them above the baseline. '''Saint Pantographia''', the four-faced elephant-headed goddess, is generally considered the patron saint and unifying symbol of San Serriffe. In her eight hands, she holds the torch of enlightenment, the inkwell of knowledge, the chameleon of change, the flywhisk of boredom, the spork of wisdom, the second inkwell of redundancy, the buzzsaw of detachment, and the starfish of asexual reproduction. Asterist priests are known as '''Wingdings''', individuals who assist the Ascender in helping others rise above the baseline. Wingdings are among the highest regarded individuals in San Serriffe society, and obtaining Wingdinghood is highly coveted and one of the most sought-after careers in the nation.
Since the early colonization days, Asterism has forbidden virgins to marry. As a result of this, Wingdings would roam the San Serriffe countryside deflowering young virgins prior to marriage. This practice has spread in the 19th and 20th centuries to other islands in the South Pacific, such as [[Guam]].
The national sport of San Serriffe is '''kerning'''. The game requires two teams of 9 men, various pieces of bamboo, and a roughly symmetrical pair of polished pineappleslices. The pineapple is slid across the playing field using bamboo, and the goal of kerning is to get your team's pineapple to overlap your opponents'. The rivalry between Port Clarendon's and Bodoni's municipal kerning sides is fierce (machete fights between backers are an infrequent but not unheard of occurrence), and the yearly pan-archipelago '''Verdhana Cup''' tournament (late May) usually pits these two top teams against each other for the coveted prize.
===Economy===
San Serriffe has been unkindly characterized as a '''banana republic''', although Serriffeans themselves have been known to take offense at this suggestion and physically remind the commentator that pineapples are also an important export crop. (Critics must also concede that it's not really much of a republic, either.)  The recent discovery of oil off the coast of in Upper Caisse has also drawn drew the attention of investors and the economy looks looked set to boomuntil oil analysts from the major companies ascertained that this was actually used engine oil which had been illegally dumped in a disused cess pit. The city of [[Ems]] on [[Lower Caisse]] also has a burgeoning and legal sex industry.Workers of both sexes choose this occupation exclusively and thus are known as Mono-types. They enjoy considerable health and financial benefits under what has come to be known as the Braggadocio-Saxxe Act passed in 1977. Anton Braggadocio-Saxxe, son of the social reformer Aloysius Braggadocio-Saxxe, pioneered the use of brothels (known as Comfort Houses) as centres of therapeutic remedy with the slogan, 'It's good for what ails you.' The Act was passed with little opposition by the all-male parliament.
The city Because of this forward thinking attitude, and ther lack of [[Ems]] on [[Lower Caisse]] also has a burgeoning stigma attached to the sex industry, with prostitutes at almost every street corner, as well as a large assortment of large internet pornography websites based thereis virtually unknown and virtually pornography even more unknown. The local government also supports this operation quite readily However, with significant tax breaks, health benefits the city does sometimes labour to find enough accommodation for prostitutes and pornographic movie stars, as well as significant, "under-the-tablehuge influx of tourists. Additionally," support wealthy individuals from countries without this liberal outlook are now vying for real estate in the local offices of Em. Notable amongst those seeking permanent 'R&R opportunities' are a majority of the members number of city hall. Additionallyleading international politicians, former [[United States]] President Bill Clinton has recently purchased a large estate just outside the cityfaded pop stars and numerous church dignitaries.
===Climate===
===Newspaper===
* The '''Nugradia''' is pretty much the only newspaper on the island, as The '''Eurostyle''' was band banned by the San Serriffe government in 2004 for being too irrelevant.
===Radio and television===
There are no television stations on either island. There are two television sets, one in Tiki's Pub in the capital, [[Bodoni]], which can occasionally receive broadcasts from [[New Zealand]] on good days, and another located in the President's Palace connected to a satellite dish. '''Radio Serriffe''' is the only local radio station operating on the island. They broadcast an ecclectic eclectic mix of new age music with an occasional polka thrown in for good taste.
==Get in==
===By plane===
Most travelers arrive in San Serriffe at '''National Hero Antonio Bourgeois International Airport''' (IATA code: '''NHB'''), just outside of Bodoni on Caissa Superiore. The national airline '''Lorem Ipsum''' has daily flights in and out of [[London]], [[Frankfurt]], [[Nairobi]], [[Perth (Western Australia)|Perth]] and [[Johannesburg]] and less regular flights to [[Kerala]] and [[Victoria (Seychelles)|Victoria]] in the [[Seychelles]]. Discount flier '''Quark''' provides express flights to and from Stansfield on alternate Tuesdays. A departure tax of 200 dRn is charged; note that, unusually, this is ''not'' payable in pineapples (although inspectors have been known to accept a potato instead).
===By boat===
===By shipwreck===
Due to San Serriffe's favorable location within 100 miles (161 km) of major [[China|Chinese]]-[[United States|American]] shipping routes, combined with good prevailing winds, it is quite easy for survivors of major shipwrecks to wash up on the southeastern shores of the islands of [[Upper Caisse]] and [[Lower Caisse]]. The government has also adopted a favorable immigration policy, allowing anyone washed ashore to be granted citizenship in the republic after 6 months of residence. It has been estimated that, historically, up to 25% of the island's current population arrived by shipwreck.
 
===By tsunami===
The cheapest way to get to the island is to reach the shores of Indonesia or Japan and wait for the tsunami to sweep you to this heaven on earth. If the tsunami dies down before you reach here and you drown mid-way then you have all the rights to sue God when you reach up there.
==Get around==
===By train===
San Serriffe once has had an extensive network of narrow-gauge trains pulled by water buffalo. However, after General Melior decreed that only girls who had never had sexual intercourse may act as train conductors, the system ground to a halt due to a lack of eligible workers and was sold off as scrap.
===By boat===
As there are no airports on [[Lower Caisse]], travel between the two islands is by sea. Ferry services depart from [[Port Clarendon]] irregularly and have been known to occasionally reach their destination. Alternatively, visitors wishing to doggie-paddle across can rent inflatable mattresses for a token fee (and a large deposit).
 
===By shark===
If someone has become sharks' friend he or she can drive any of them to get to the island.
 
 
==Talk==
[[Image:CoralBeach Hammock.JPG|thumb|240px|A San Serriffean self-service guesthouse]]
Accommodation options in San Serriffe are plentiful, as there is a vast assortment of palm trees to swing your hammock from. Visitors invited by the government may also choose to stay in one of the many palaces and country houses built by the political elite, with "special guests" linked to the Aligned movement sometimes provided private basement rooms complete with full board, 24-hour security, plentiful opportunities for reflection, a private trainer for pleasant chit-chat and a free supply of rodents. It is also possible to rent rooms at some of the local residences. It should however be noted that they, in turn, normally expect you to be their servant for a few hours a day. This may involve some sex (local custom).
==Learn==
There are few safety problems in San Serriffe, aside from occasional '''unprovoked attacks by machete-wielding thugs''' hopped up on plenque. Some locals advise not carrying a wallet and instead stuffing any dimes Roman and bananas that you are carrying down your pants instead, but this is not advisable as some criminal elements have caught onto the trick and violent removal may lead to undesired '''collateral damage'''. At [[Cocobanana Beach]], excessive bulges have also been known to draw unwanted attention from the Fraternity.
*If you parked your '''Cameljacking''' is on the rise, it's best to rent a fully trained camel be careful of cameljackers through Camel Ninjas [http://www.camelninjas.com/]. 
===Nationalism===
==Stay healthy==
San Serriffe is reasonably healthy as far as pestilent Third-World hellholes wracked by poverty and misrule go. The main danger is the ''Aedes syntaxiisyntaxidis'' mosquito, which can infect visitors with the dreaded '''Antiqua-Fraktur syndrome''', resulting in unsightly indentation and painful ligatures. While a variety of Serriffean folk medicine cures, mostly involving vast quantities of plenque, are sometimes suggested, if infected the wisest course of action is prompt medical evacuation to a place with better healthcare, such as [[Mozambique]]. As always, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and visitors are advised to should apply DDT-based mosquito repellants liberally, opt for light-colored clothing and avoid going out near dusk, dawn or in fact at all. One must also watch out for '''dingbats''', which are harmless in that they have no venom (or, for that matter, fangs), but which have a fondness for taking up all available space. They are very large, reaching a maximum weight of fifty pounds by adulthood, and may have a winspan of up to twenty feet. Being large, the frequencies they use for echolocation fall within the human range of hearing, hence the name "ding"-bats.
==Respect==
==Contact==
'''BanaComm''', the newly privatized former San Serriffe State Communications Company (SSSCC), maintains a monopoly on fixed and mobile phone services through San Serriffe. Thanks to a recent presidential directive, roaming throughout the country with GSM phones is now allowed, although as San Serriffe has not yet adopted GSM there isn't actually any local network to roam on. Landline quality can be rather variable, and for urgent communications many locals choose to employ the faster and more reliable services of express mail operator IP-AvCar [http://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc1149.txt IP-AvCar] instead. An inter-island communications network, consisting of two cups connected by a string, is being constructed between the two major islands, and is expected to be completed by 2007.
==Get out==
* The neighboring island-nation of '''Shakur Buty''' is well known for exotic dance.
{{joke}}* According to CIA intelligence, Awan Afuqya, one of the most wanted terrorists in the world,is believed to be on Shakur Buty.
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