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King's Landing

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King's Landing

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This was an April Fool's Day joke article. We amused ourselves tremendously in making it. Please refrain from dragging out the silliness and plunge forward on some real articles!
King's Landing

King's Landing is is the capital of the Seven Kingdoms. The Kingdoms are: The Kingdom of the North, the Kingdom of Mountain and Vale, the Kingdom of the Isles and Rivers, Kingdom of the Rock, Kingdom of the Reach, Kingdom of the Stormlands and Dorne. Seven Kingdoms is a realm located on the continent of Westeros. King's Landing is one of the largest city located in the Crownlands on the east coast of Westeros. It overlooks Blackwater Bay.

“In King’s Landing, there are two sorts of people. The players and the pieces… Every man’s a piece to start with, and every maid as well. Even some who think they are players." - Petyr Baelish



Tyrion in King's Landing

King's landing has an estimated population of 500,000 and it is about 300 years old.

Aegon Targaryen, also known as the Aegon the Dragon was the conqueror of the Seven Kingdoms. Aegon Targaryen was described to be tall, powerful with purple eyes and short gold hair. He conquered the seven individually ruled kingdoms with dragons. He wanted to unite the seven as one. The city expanded very rapidly under Aegon Targaryen and his descendants. The city served for a long time as a home to the ruling Targaryen family until Robert Baratheon overthrew Aerys Targaryen. By the time Robert took over the city, the population had grown to approximately half a million.

King's Landing suffered numerous attacks. Problems in King's Landing only increased during the war. A lot of refugees came into the city seeking protection and this also multiplied more problems including the food shortages.


Within the walls, the city's landscape is surrounded by three hills, which are named after Aegon and his two sisters. Outside of the walls, you may be able to see some breathtaking view of mountains and rivers, but within King's Landing, it is extremely crowded and dirty. King's landing is also known to be very smelly.


Winter is coming.


Only two major languages are significantly used in Westeros: the "Old Tongue", and the "Common Tongue" of the Andals.

Get in

King's landing map

Getting into the city might be a bit tricky. The city is known to be square-shaped, defended by tall walls. There are seven gates that leads into the city. The seven gates are as followed:

  1. The Dragon Gate
  2. The Lion Gate
  3. The Mud Gate
  4. The Old Gate
  5. The Gate of the Gods
  6. The King's Gate
  7. The Iron Gate

By car or horse

Car is not going to happen. Unless you want to be stared down and probably get your car parts stolen, I suggest you to leave your fancy cars at home.

Horse is more acceptable. If you really don't like riding horses then try getting yourself a horse trap or a horse carriage.


Good luck...landing your plane. You will probably get destroyed by the dragons... but whatever.

By boat

Boats, or even kayak can be used to get to the Red Keep and also to the "Mud Gate" which is also known as the River Gate. These are two gates that are closes to the body of water. It won't be hard to find a place to moor your boat, but it is never guaranteed that your boat will still be in place when you return.

Get around

Around the walls and gates, the city is surrounded with arbors, brick storehouses, timbered inns, merchants stalls, manses, taverns, graveyards, fish markets, and brothels. Between buildings the roads are lined with trees, alleys and streets.

It is probably not a good idea to drive around with a car in this city because the alleys are pretty narrow and it just might be faster to get yourself a horse or just walk.


The Iron Throne

Red Keep

Red Keep is a castle and residence of the king, located in the south-eastern corner of the city and overlooking the bay directly. It is the primary fortress of King’s Landing, located on the highest hill in the area- Aegon’s High Hill. The castle is made of pale red stone and has seven massive drum-towers crowned with iron ramparts. Inside the Keep you can take a tour to see the Iron Throne, gathering halls, barracks of the gold cloaks (City Watch of King’s Landing), dungeons and granaries.

  • Iron Throne is the most impressive attraction to see in Red Keep. It is the seat of the monarch where the king often holds audiences and dispenses justice from atop it. The chair is located on a high platform in the Throne Room and has many steel black spikes, swords and jagged edges. This makes it very uncomfortable to sit so forget about leaning back and simply relaxing. Aegon I Targaryen, the first king of the Seven Kingdoms and the constructor of the Iron Throne made it deliberately uncomfortable, saying that a king should never sit easy.
  • Maegor’s Holdfast a massive square fortress inside the heart of the Red Keep where you can find royal apartments. It was named after King Maegor Targaryen, who built the Red Keep.
  • Queen’s Ballroom seats 100 people and has beaten silver mirrors behind the wall sconces, wooden walls and high arched windows.
  • Tower of the Hand is where The Hand of the King (king's chief advisor) has his chambers.
  • White Sword Tower has chambers of the Kingsguard (also called White Swords or White Cloaks) and is a slender structure of four stories built into an angle of the castle wall overlooking the bay.
  • Traitor's Walk is the squat, half-round tower that contains the entrance to the dungeons. Make sure not to miss the heads of traitors and criminals placed on spikes over the wall.
  • Dungeon has four levels. On the upper level you will find cells with high narrow windows where common criminals are confined together. Second level has small, personal cells for highborn captives. Third level has so called Black Cells reserved for the most dangerous prisoners. They are called “black cells” because no light enters them. The lowest level of Dungeon is sued for torture.
  • Secret passages and tunnels build in case a quick escape from the Red Keep is needed. The tunnels are believed to be full of traps.

Outside the Red Keep

  • Great Sept of Baelor tops Visenya's Hill on the western part of the city. It is the center of worship for the Faith of the Seven (dominant religion of the Seven Kingdoms) and the seat of the High Septon of the Faith (the topmost church official). It was named after King Baelor Targaryen. Here you can see a tall statue of a Baelor and large gardens capable of holding hundreds surround the sept. There are several sets of doors leading into the Sept. It’s important to know that septons use the Father's Doors, septas the Mother's Doors and silent sisters the Stranger's Doors. Past the doors you will find Hall of Lamps.
  • Dragonpit dome on Rhaenys's Hill is located in the north of the city. In the past it used to hold the Targaryen dragons but now it’s collapsed. The only thing that you can see here are the bronze doors have not been opened for more than a century.
  • Guildhall of the Alchemists beneath Rhaenys's Hill, along the Street of the Sisters in King's Landing. It is the center of the Alchemists' Guild where they create and store the wildfire (used as a weapon of war and a display of power). In Guildhall you can see the Gallery of the Iron Torches which is a long chamber with columns of wildfire.
  • Flea Bottom is the slum area where the poor and beggars reside with numerous narrow street and alleys. You will see plenty of pot-shops where, if you are brave enough, you can get the infamous 'bowl o' brown’, a stew that can include the meat of rats and murder victims, and many more ingredients of dubious origin.


  • Attend an official ceremony in the Throne Room.
  • Take a stroll on the Traitor's Walk.
  • Take a hiking tour and climb cities highest hills- Aegon’s High Hill, Visenya's Hill, Rhaenys's Hill.


  • Street of Flour Bazaar. Food and trinket vendors line the streets nightly offering their wares. Never pay full price and watch out for pickpockets.
  • Armory Row at The Street of Steel. You'll find everything you need for battle along the Street Of Steel. Tobho Mott has recently opened shop making swords of Ice. Be sure to bring your own refrigeration as his wares are non-refundable.
  • The Street of Sisters Alchemist Bazaar. Alchemists from all around offer their latest formulas at a reasonable price. Beware of peddlers trying to pass strong drink as wildfire. Always ask for a taste before purchasing!
  • Street of Silk. If you are looking for a good time, head over to the streets of silk and shop from one of the many brothels that line the street. Be sure to carry cash as they do not accept credit card.


  • Fishmonger's Square Restuarant. Fresh fish, strong drink and not so fresh rat-skewers are on the menu at this popular eatery.
  • Pigrun Alley Pub. Upscale eatery featuring gourmet bowls of brown, the freshest pigeon and rat and bread made guaranteed within the month.
  • River Row Ratisserie. Serving the freshest rat roasted over flaming garbage and served on a stick. Come early, the rats go fast!
  • Muddy Way Burritos. Noone quite knows what's inside and the filling is different each time, but they are tasty and won't give you the bloody flux.


  • Flea Bottom Inn. Despite the name, you'll find the accommodations at the Flea Bottom Inn to be decent and only slightly off-putting. Be sure not to miss the morning breakfast as they prepare the best "Bowl of Brown" in town.
  • Brothel Row at The Streets of Silk. If you are looking for company in bed and have a bit of extra to spend, you'll find a warm bed at any of the friendly brothels in the area.
  • Eel Alley Vensenya's Hill Keep. A comfortable stay at a price even the small folk can afford. Plus, the dining hall has the lowest rate of bloody flux in town.

Stay safe

  • Pisswater Bend

It's best to generally stay clear of the area.. that is unless you enjoy a mean case of the bloody flux.

  • Sowbelly Row

Looking to get robbed, beaten, or just a mild harassing? Sowbelly is the place to be! If in the area, it's best to wear comfortable shoes as you'll be running for your life.


As the capital of the Seven Kingdoms, King's Landing is the seat of all the power in the realm. As such, visitors must be respectful of the throne and the authority that it conveys. Please be mindful of your speech and actions as while outsiders and foreigners are a common sight among it's streets take care not to wander off the beaten paths.

The King's Landing's main military force is called City Watch, also known as the gold cloaks. They are in charge of guarding and policing the town and its surroundings. Be sure not to get on their bad side as they have considerable authority to cause you discomfort.

If you are not a member of the Faith of the Seven, steer clear of the Great Sept of Baelor. You can recognize it by its distinctive marble dome and the seven crystal towers that holds seven bells. Below the tower are where previous kings are laid to rest and also where the order holds most of the wealth of the Faith. Do NOT attempt to gain access!

Please be aware of King Joffrey Baratheon. He is the current ruler, having claimed the Iron Throne after his father King Robert Baratheon died. However, Joffery is actually the bastard son of the incestuous relationship between the Cersei Lannister (The Queen) and Jaime Lannister. Nobody really likes Joffrey due to his idiotic ruling but if you ever get on his nerve, he will probably kill you- so either be overly respectful when you encounter his presence or just stay out of his sight.

Stay healthy

As one of the largest and most populated cities in all the realm, King's Landing suffers from the same ills that most metropolises do. Poor ventilation, refuse and water contamination and an abundance of crime have all plagued the city since its founding by Aegon I.

Conditions are especially dire in the poorer parts of the city like Flea Bottom, if you value your health you will not be tempted to try the local delicacy "Bowl of brown" a stew with unidentifiable ingredients simmered for as long as a year and served only to the poorest residents of the city.


Messengers of Westeros

The main way to get messages in and out of the city is by courier although this is fairly expensive and extremely slow. An alternate method is to use trained ravens to pass information a la the maesters of Westeros who use them to communicate between castles.

Although most messages brought by ravens are standard and innocuous, they are also linked to ominous tidings, giving rise to the phrase "Dark wings, dark words".

There is also a cleverer but much rarer species of white raven, which the Conclave of the maesters dispatch from their headquarters at the Citadel in Oldtown only when they agree that the season has turned.

Get out

If you are looking to escape the rat race (and actual live rats) of city living, there are many nearby towns and hamlets that you are able to reach with a good horse and plenty of provisions.

  • Rosby is the seat of House Rosby and lies near King's Landing to the north. It is a small town, made up of daub-and-wattle huts lying around the castle of the Rosbys.
  • Duskendale is a large port town off the coast of Blackwater Bay. The town spreads out around the harbour and has cobbled streets. South of the town is a rocky headland that shelters the harbour from the storms of the narrow sea and north of it rise chalk cliffs. A road runs beside the shore between the sea and low limestone hills.
  • Tumbleton is the seat of House Footly in the Reach. It is located sixty leagues (c. 336km) to the southwest of King's Landing, near the Reach's northeastern border with the Crownlands. It is near the source of the Mander and the castle overlooks the town and is described as stout but small.
  • Felwood is the seat of House Fell in the Stormlands. It is located northwest of Storm's End at the southern edge of the Kingswood, south of the Wendwater.